oh tea~!!

the ot has continued for almost 3 weeks
plus the serious lost slp lasting for almost a month or more
i'm breaking
really exhausted
both body and heart

someone stands behind during the days
holding me filling up warm water into the deep holes in heart
when he has been going thru crazy schedule with teammates too
i treasure
really do
but in return i honestly dunno wat could i provide
yes
maybe he got his own way to find happiness and get wat he wants from me
but i feel guilty
and i couldn't build correspond confidence towards him
towards our relationship
this hurts alot
to both of us

tonight
is the 1st time i experienced tat many 1st times
which every of it becomes big deep strike in heart
first time of not meeting after overnight ohtea
first time of giving up chance to gain time
first time of being cut line
first time of being said 'suddenly i realize that u'r really selfish'
first time of having deadair coz i couldn't think of any excuse to escape
first time of letting problem to slp overnight beside
first time of throwing little rock piece to the sea and got no reply at all

it hurts alot
and so as him i believe

:(