pessimistic

i juz wanna be alone
yes
leave me alone
i'm unnecessary
and i'm bad
no one wants
as a drummer
as a girl
as a friend
as a daughter
very tired.
nonstop ot
alot of work
alot of pressure
alot of inferior
alot of uncertainty
alot of expectation
alot of powerless to satisfy expectation
i got no way to cry out
noone to share
at all
fuck

a day to remember

time flies when there's happiness
and things would become enjoyable and special

it's a day to remember

8:01pm

and so she passed away.


coz of someone's word
i changed my mind from escaping, to taking action of wat i could do in the very little rest of time.
he's right
or else i would regret for whole life..


though
watching her dying infront
is kind of suffer and hurt
i keep shaking and crying when her heartbeat rate fluctuating between 0 to 30
and finally
she get released.



i'm weaker than i expected
serious headache
couldn't talk at all
things and memories keep spinning in the brain.


someone's word and care
short but powerful
i deeply appreciate
and it works
thanks d ear








grandma
we'd look after ourselves and stay with each other tightly
should u rest in peace without regret and worry
we all love u

先到先等仙奴才 says: (2:32:52 AM) 兩妻類動物

it's kinda like ur exbf living with new gf
u still want him to be good and happy
meanwhile u'd care whether she's better than u
sounds stupid
but it's true when applying to me and oliver
i heard that he's participating in some recent events
i heard that he's going taiwan
i saw the promo in waa's blog too
i so wish i'm going with him again
that we've been playing together experiencing alot during the past 2 journey...
but i know the new drummer is more suitable for his style
esp when he couldn't find another guitarist
i honestly wish him good
honestly support him
though he didn't call me for once after i quit
though he said 'we'r still best friends and wont be affected by band matter'
though he online everynight and we didn't chat for a word.

the night that i went to see him with his new drummer
i asked for a sign on the poster
he wrote '其實你不懂我的心'
yes
i think
i dont know
and i'd never know.....

曉得

馮慶強先生
是這個年頭裡
把我知道得最多的人
在沒有人瞭解的時候
他總會曉得
也許是每一天的相處
使大家的些許變化
在眼裡都變得明顯
變得透徹

昨天下午
他說要送我ＳＭＩＴＨ的ＢＥＳＴ ＯＦ
然後問 '你是否有心事'
我來不及反應
定一定神
沒有說甚麼
就只是 '我會努力‘

我是他口裡的紅色鞋小姐
也就是剛過一年了吧
有一點這麼
嚮往這種特別的

我說
大概
到按捺不住的那一刻
讓我在懷內哭一下
然後如常的
給你撫一下頭
那
就會好了


今天讀到他的

「 從未滿足所謂穩定，亦從未當譏諷冷眼白眼是一回事。點過火頭也犯過錯，走過的仍能風雨同路所剩無幾。在有意識及無意識底下學懂要看透世情，如前人所言:「不要哭，不要笑，但要理解。」
要探究表層的另一層才有可能靠近核心關鍵，一得一失，這會變得冷酷疏離像個局外人，又或者可以，讓殘留的一點赤子還理想應有的體溫。

若問生之趣何在。
我會說:在刀鋒之上。」



我心裡喊 ‘啊‘

紅色鞋破了
當找個地方 好好修補