a big day (in memorial of mr. cockroach)

this is such a great weekend
do u feel sam

e

flooded

memories flooded
when being in the place that i've avoided to be since the day
almost cry when i'm touching chaichai
everything is so familiar
but far away
everything is so unchanged
but meanwhile so different


so and then
we argued seriously during dinner
why am i still so picky on him?
why am i losing all respect and patience when facing his character that i supposed to know he's like that and he used to be like that?
why are we still going to conclude or persuade one another?
why are we still argueing about why were we breaking up?
does these everything still means anything to both of us?
can't we just be patient
trying to understand one another's standpoint
having an attempt to listen and accept one another's opinion
really learning to face own problem and trying to find out the key of communication???



it's so tired
why am i still crying?

pray

stay strong
winnie and chris and hugo
so wanna give u and them a deep embrace to show the love and care

i'm sorry
that i used to think too much
it's the outcome of pessimistic and lack of confidence
the self-critique had made me justifying self
before ppl really trying to judge
or even they dunt have the attempt to



i remember
that i had given a very true smile tat night
and u replied me one too
though it may not be a big deal
but it seems warm.



nth is really matter now
just to pray for u and doggies
u all will be fine
be strong!

書簽上

有時候。
你等的不是事情，機會，
或者誰。
你等的是時間。
等時間，
讓自己改變。

小熊說：
小姐，等時間嗎
凱西說：
嗯！我想要變！！

抵

我的底線其實沒有那麼底
而且
我是個很會選擇放棄的人
所以
你也許猜到
又或
我應該讓你知道
問題沒有解決
週而復始
結局
只是遲與早的錯落
這從來不是夾心餅乾的事情
大概只是
因為
我或許也應該有選擇的權利罷

heavy thunder

am very tired
can the shits get away just a little bit?
problems just spinning aruond
with no solution.

how can she just define without asking and knowing?
i dunt see any attempt
nor respect.
it's just so mean
though i hate, still, have to bare and pretend
afterall
the one who suffer most, is him
the poor to be digged out everything and be exposed
the poor to be under surveillance but so called "to let u choose with choices"
he's helpless
and powerless
i understand
am just the trigger to let him aware that
there has to be a change

for him
for us
and for his future



it's kinda meaningless to give any opinion
or to persuade and make things happen according to my wants
it should really be nth to deal with me
the more i talk
the more pressure is added.

yes
i should just shut here
it's cruel
but it's the fact too
u gonna step out
and have the breakthough
and about time
u'll know wat u need and want
d ear

求雨

雖然大家都破口大罵
可
我卻是由衷地驥盼著下一個雨天
不斷的

乾乾淨淨
把那些不好看不中用的都盡洗光光
也把悶熱的空氣給冷卻下來
太高溫而且陽光猛烈的下午
切切實實在西斜的工作桌把我弄得頭昏腦脹
心情和精神都很不好



反正各人因工作及不同的傷患纏身
籃球復康活動暫告停止

雨
可以一直下呀
沒關係
嘿

深呼吸

抽一口冷氣
淡淡的
開始消瘦起來
是因為沒有好好的吃飯
和好好的睡覺吧
也好
走起來步伐也輕柔些
只是有時候
會有一點暈眩...

男人最痛

然後
你大概明白女人每月經痛時有多煩厭和無奈罷

宿醉

大概
許久
沒有
這樣喝過
這樣醉過
這樣吐過
我就是整個躺在浴缸裡面
睡醒就吐
吐完再睡
可恨的是
那種不安
並沒有隨之而消失掉
該走的路
還是該走下去
就只是這樣
而已

事情就像 "中學生應否談戀愛" 一樣

反抗不了
說服不掉
改變不來
瞞騙不掉

來一個最終回死而後已
好讓他的本份死而無憾
也好讓我的尊嚴死裡逃生

那該死的雷

我喜歡下雨
卻怕打雷怕得要命

媽媽遠走加拿大
我只好關上燈
把被子蓋過頭
自顧自
裝睡


它知道的
那該死的雷



其實
我很怕下雨天獨個兒睡
這個夜裡真難耗..

那該死的雷!!!!!

自作

我現在就是整個人軟軟的攤在這
大概是沒有吃飯
走太多路
和穿貼褲的後果
腿在抽搐著
也大概是空著肚子
卻硬撐喝了熱奶茶
和晚上的莫卡
胃也在抽搐著
那個半熱半發抖的身軀
散發著被挖空的氣息

我在想
如果沒有離開
大概
至少
能合上眼睛
說一聲 晚安 吧

the sleepless nights

so i lost slp again these days
though actually this happens damn frequently in these few months


i had a very good dream last night
(or should be this morning?)
so fun and sweet that i could still remember the details
but meanwhile i know
this would never happen in the reality




wat a tragedy

年度台灣 之有入無出篇

day01
1550-0200
2人份
1.西門町
-老王燉肉飯+蘿蔔湯+滷水蛋2只
-他的西瓜沙冰, 我的蜂蜜白苦瓜汁
-剛出爐熱辣辣牛肉餅
2.師大夜市
-久違了的師園鹽酥系列包括雞皮雞肉花枝丸雞脾菇豆角椰菜花甜不辣雞腎
-他的西瓜汁
-蔥抓餅加蛋 (註: 請不要把蔥抓餅讀成抓蔥餅)
-自05年野台開唱小食攤便沒再碰面的大腸包小腸
-燈籠滷味瘋狂一大盆包括豆腐粉絲豬大腸鴨紅雞潤椰菜牛展
-珍珠奶茶2大杯
-紅豆薏仁湯 (其實是薏米糖水沒錯)
-蘋果梳打 (細佬,為什麼你這麼喜歡這個超藥水味的東西), 他的西柚汁 (加強烈果肉)
3.陽明山"草山夜未眠"
-gin tonic, 他的甚麼芒果甚麼沙冰
-小食併盆包括炸薯條炸雞全翼炸洋蔥圈
4.友星大飯店轉角711
-油浸荀一小樽 (倒頭就睡了,忘了吃)
-滿漢大餐珍味牛肉面 一個 (也是沒有當下就吃)

day02
1400-0200
4人份
1.永康街
-永康半筋半肉牛肉面+粉蒸排骨(很有'風味')+粉蒸大腸+伴面小吃4碟
-冰館什錦冰 (台灣很多什錦, 專為拿不下主意的遊客們而設)
2.九份金瓜石
-寶礦力 (專為跑完 "礦" 洞的人們而設)
-奶油太陽餅,櫻花蝦,黑糖糕,糯米滋等等等等試吃環節
-芋圓 (到處都是芋頭做的東西, 這個是一團團小小的有微微芋頭味道的小糯米團)
-粿 (綠綠的那個裡面包著菜圃, 很惹味; 紫紫的那個橡皮擦就別提了)
-悲情城市 "戲夢人生", 他的茉莉花奶茶和我的烏龍冰茶
3.基隆廟口夜市
-咖哩海鮮炒面+蛤蜊湯 (即蜆肉湯)
-油飯
-甚麼熑邊挫 (其實是把魚皮餃的皮跟肉分開煮就是了, 再加蔥芫茜熟蒜泥跟魚蛋粉一樣)
-鰻魚羹 (把鰻魚切條, 炸後與湯一起上)
-燒蜆, 蠔 (消遣的最佳選擇, 就是明火猛燒至蜆殼打開, 及把蠔內的寄居蟹一併燒熟)
-腸蛋三文治 (好像是很有名的, 路過的人都說這個很好吃, 於是打包回飯店作夜宵)
4.友星大飯店808
-滿漢大餐珍味牛肉面 一個 (沒吃光就是啦, 吃過那麼多好東西, 泡麵當然失掉了色)

day03
1330-0200
2人份
1.西門町
-他的芒果沙冰, 我的蜂蜜白苦瓜汁加青瓜 (沙冰有這樣好喝嗎? 天天都是這個耶)
- '謝謝魷魚羹" 魯肉飯+乾面+油豆腐+蚵仔煎 (魯肉飯即肉燥飯 /註: 請不要把肉燥飯讀成燥肉飯)
- 蜂大咖啡一杯 + newyorkcheesecake +合桃酥
- Pasta Bar 明太子意粉+煙肉甚麼蛋面跟餐 (所以就是說, 有時候只因等待太久期望太多而導致的失望的確會大於想像所能及)
-3G燒雞脾+鴨舌5支
2.鼎王麻辣鍋
-鴨血羊肉牛肉油炸鬼大腸津白花枝丸 (第一次目睹打邊爐打包refill湯底, 還要自行分贓)
3.友星大飯店轉角麥當奴
-脆雞餐包括6件雞及雀檸2加大杯+細薯條配新加坡蜜糖芥末醬
4.友星大飯店轉角711
-多喝水2大支 (1L?)


好累哩
接下來的2天
你來寫
好不

"i played well tonight"

though not really well actually
no rehearsal
and kinda nervous
but i do tried best within the condition already...

i'm glad tat mr.o came
i miss him
but luckily sailo let me know after i played
or else i'll be even more nervous
i called after show
he scolded me again of saying 'i didn't play well tonight ah..."
hahahahahahah
yes
i've made changes
and i have to be confident about self
(but really can be better.... )

meanwhile
it's for no doubt really great to hear that jackie gonna play for thedarlings tmr night
so this will lessen the regret of not being involved in collectedmonster in the past years?
anyway
goodshow
stay rock and dance onstage as usual!!!

lastly
and lastly always comes the most important one
thanks for coming
helping
carrying
spending time dressing
giving up boxing
escaping from oting
this is totally another world
totally groups of another type of ppl
and totally another kind of moments for u to situate urself
thanks for ur attempt
i know.
and i really tresure d ear

年度台灣 之零八山窮水盡篇

原來

可以這樣快樂

conversation

we've finally had the calm and mature conversation tonight

i wish u good only
from the 1st day we broke up
i hope u understand.
i really hope so.
and remember
yes i'm with someone else already.
ur character, i know.
u could never accept such a person that u own before, went away and then back together.
when u think clearly later on, u'll know.
i chose the way, i hope it works.
or maybe it fails and i'll just cry and collapse,
get up and walk again.
tat's how life of one goes on.

every piece of word
every tiny emotion
every expression
are from my very true heart

jackie.
i hope u good
takecare.